I like me...

I'm getting older... 

My birthday just passed (32nd), and it's kind of hard to grasp that I've been on this earth for thirty-two years!  How I've wasted a lot of that time on stupid things, like guys that were all wrong for me, and holding grudges over things that REALLY had no relevance in my life... *sigh*

If I knew then what I know now, maybe I would have been able to appreciate the people that were in my life more and express to them how grateful I am that they were around.  Some of those people are not in my life now, not because of bad things, but just because we grew apart.  Life happened and we didn't keep in touch... like I wonder what my best friend from the second grade is doing now (Crystal Herman), we were attached at the hip.  In high school I transfered during my 11th grade year (very hard to do by the way) and one person that helped me fit in was Eman Smart, I wonder what she's up to.  These are just a couple of the people that I never got the chance to tell, how much they impacted my life, so much that I still think about them and wonder what they're doing, hoping that they are living a wonderful life.  The one that they dreamed they would have, because just for that moment in time, they helped me to fit in.

I guess this is what birthdays make you do, reflect on where you are in life and who you are as a person.  I'm not who I thought I would be and I'm not where I thought I would be...  I'm a better person than I thought I would be and I have more than I'd ever imagined (surely not to brag).

And I'm so grateful for every moment of it; the heartaches, break and falls.  I'm better for them.  Someone told me on my birthday (June 18th if you're wondering), "You have a confidence that I wish I had, you could care less if anyone liked you, you feel like God thinks you're great so you must be"... I thought about that for a minute and my response was this:  "I know that  God loves me and I think I'm a pretty cool person.  If I don't then who will?"  What I meant by that was that if anyone is going to think you're great, it should be you.  If I waiting around for the approval of everyone I met, I'd be miserable!  I'm happy with me, flaws and all.  I know I'm not perfect (never have claimed to be) but I'm a pretty cool person and I like me.